Saturday before the page turns

In the midst of a struggle - mental, spiritual, emotional, or physical - what do you do?  I find myself saying, “It’s just a season,” or something of the like quite a lot.  The good of that mindset is that it’s better than me believing this is “just my life now” and that the struggle is going to last forever.  However, this mindset sets me up to just hold out and endure, waiting for the storm to run out of rain.  For some things, yes, that’s what we do, but it’s rarely all I should do, and it means I miss the chance for an increase of hope and trust.   

What fundamental truths do I believe that I can go back to in times of uncertainty, doubt, suffering, and struggle?  I believe first and foremost that God is real, He is the ultimate Creator of everything, and that He created me specifically on purpose, with purpose, and for purpose.  I believe I have a shared universal purpose which is to know, love, and serve God in this life and be happy with Him forever in the next.  I also believe that I have a specific purpose, one that is unique to me and that only I can fill that is part of God’s divine will.  I believe that I have free will and the option to say yes to God, or to say no which means I’m separating myself from His love and holy will.  I believe that God has won the battle, is winning, and will win finally.  I believe that my part is to cooperate with Him so that I, my family, and any people I meet in life have the opportunity to live forever in Heaven with the Lord. I believe that nothing happens that the Lord doesn’t cause or allow, and that things He allows are allowed for a time and for the purpose of your growth in holiness.  He is good and also plays the long game.  He’s more concerned with your eternal destination than your temporal comfort.  

I also believe that Sacred Scripture is true and I can trust it.  

All of that is crucial for me to establish in times of consolation so that in times of desolation, I am not left to my feelings to rule and guide me.  Even if what I read in Sacred Scripture upsets me, or when my anger at my circumstances ends up being pointed at God, I know those things are not true.  When I’ve stood on the fundamental truth that God exists, He created me and loves me, and sometimes allows even hard things because He desires my heart, then I am less tempted to despair and hopelessness.  Even in times when hope feels far and dim, I know it’s there and I can keep searching for it, not giving up. 

I was in confession a while back and sharing with the priest how I was feeling hopeless.  Raising children, working on my marriage, battling physical difficulties including chronic illness, I was really struggling and struggling also to keep hope and offer my suffering well.  He had several things to offer that were helpful, and the one that stuck with me the most was to consider Jesus’ followers on the Saturday after His Crucifixion.  They trusted the Lord and followed Jesus, believing that He was the Messiah.  Many gave up all they had and turned away from their former lives to follow him.  They risked ridicule and livelihood.  And then He died.  The promises He made were dead in the tomb with Him.  What now? Just go back to the previous life and pretend like nothing happened?  What about the miracles? What about the teaching? What about the promises?  Even if they didn’t fully understand what He meant, they heard Him say it.  They watched Him be arrested.  They watched Him lose. 

They were stunned.  Some of them turned and headed for home.  The travelers on the road to Emmaus chided the stranger, “Are you the only person who doesn’t know what just happened?”

I can only imagine what they were all thinking and feeling. I could see myself reeling and rehearsing what I would say to my family and friends who thought I was foolish or crazy to drop my life and follow Him.  

The priest told me to sit with those followers in my meditation for a while.  I, having the benefit of the “page turn”, know what happens the day after Saturday.  I know that Jesus rises from the dead and the Kingdom of God is here.  I know that Jesus defeated death and that all He said really did, and will continue to, come to pass. 

My hope is in the assurance of the turning page.  The Lord says He will finish the good work He began, and I know that He is trustworthy.  I know that He is omniscient.  I know that He is faithful, and I know He is the Victor!

I cannot see what is on the next page.  I am like the disciples on Saturday who have to wait for what the Lord will reveal.  It’s easy for me to read their stories and mentally tell them to just be patient.  However, in my living ongoing story, it’s far more challenging to keep my eyes on hope.  Yet what’s true for them is also true for me.  The Lord keeps His promises. Philippians 1:6 “And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

No, that doesn't mean it will work out the way that I envision it, nor will it come to resolution in my desired timing.  However, I also need to remember the words of Corrie ten Boom “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”  What is fundamentally true about God?  He is good.  He is trustworthy.  He is faithful.  He is unchanging.  He is steadfast.  He is Love. 

I can’t see what’s on the next page, but I know that not only can He see it, God wrote it.  Nothing happens outside of His active or permissive will.  Nothing happens that He doesn’t cause or allow for the purpose of your growth in holiness.  Going back to the beginning of this, remind yourself of what you believe about God.  What is true?  God’s existence is true.  His word is true.  Sacred Scripture is true.  

When you are in a time of uncertainty and hope feels far away, make an act of the will.  Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.  Lord, I have faith in you.  Strengthen where my faith is weak.  Fill in the places where I don’t have enough trust in you on my own.  I love you, Lord.  Help me to love you more.