The Dark Days

I don't know who needs to hear this, but last Sunday, the sun set after 7pm and won't set before 7pm again until October. We made it through the dark days.

I saw that on Instagram last week. My first thought was "Phew. Praise God. I made it."

Then, "Wait a minute. That means my rest time is almost over."

You see, I have spent the last two or three years really reflecting on Seasons, both literal, and metaphorical. Just like in nature, we have different seasons with different behaviors and needs and characteristics, we also have metaphorical and spiritual seasons. Different moods, behaviors, tendencies, and needs that go with the different seasons in our lives. Our experience of life is not the same every day of the year. Shoot, sometimes not even every hour of the day, but perhaps that's a different story.

I've come to learn that while seasonal depression is very real and something I experience deeply each year, the other meme that I saw this week

is very, very real. We can laugh because the random warm, sunny days we had in Ohio last week (two in a row!) had me ordering seeds from my garden and literally buying fruit trees!

And I have to say, as a quick, excited aside, I am so excited for my fruit trees - one in particular. I bought an apple tree that is four in one! The nursery where I bought it had grafted four varieties of apples in one tree! So this single tree, God-willing, will produce golden delicious, honey crisp, Jonathan, AND gala apples!

I was so excited to open the windows, sit on my porch, and ponder where I would finally plant my blueberries. I was looking around at the grass that had the audacity to not be long enough for my cows to graze yet and watched my children drag out bikes and badminton nets and play endless games after our family has been sick for basically an entire month.

There is no doubt that seasonal depression is real, and that I feel like I can conquer the world when the sun finally comes back out again in the spring. However, I have come to learn, by the grace of God, that darkness is not a punishment.

Winter, both naturally and metaphorically, is a time of rest, recovery, and safe dreaming. In the winter, I can plan the most elaborate summer vacation or the biggest vegetable garden you've ever seen. I can plan a whole food forest and not have to lift a finger to actually do it. I can imagine what it will be like to can or dehydrate all that food I've grown and freeze the berries and make all the jam. Of course, in my imagination, none of it ever goes to waste, there are no sun burns, and of course no bugs to eat my vegetables. In this safe dreaming, we time our rotational grazing perfectly, no animals break out, calving goes off without a hitch, and I make so much butter with my fresh milk that I don't even know where to put it all.

In my imagination, my vacation goes off swimmingly. The children never bicker and every activity goes off without a hitch. No one forgets their shoes at home and the weather is a perfect combination of temperate for outdoor activities, and just a tad gloomy for the days we plan to be inside.

Do I really believe that's how it will be? Of course not. But in the winter, while I'm resting in my cozy blanket, it's safe to believe it will be. There's no risk that I'm taking on too much or won't be able to keep up. I can dream of possibilities while I'm resting and conserving my energy.

Or I can just rest. I can give my body and my soul room to heal. I'm told that "The nervous system heals in stillness. Slowing down can be the single most productive thing you do for your body." Dr. Will Cole.

How often do I choose long periods of slowing down? Basically never. It's almost as if God the Creator knew our nature and knew that many of us associate our value with our productivity (let that one sink in a little bit). He knew we would need rest and perhaps wouldn't be inclined to take it ourselves. I won't say He created winter and times of darkness because He knew we'd fail to rest otherwise, but because He is a God of order and it is ordered to have times of movement and times of rest. After all, there is a time for everything under heaven, right?

So on second thought, I take issue with the quote at the top. I am not going to rob myself, or you, of that initial relief. I am so grateful for the sunshine and I'm so looking forward to daily garden manicures.

I absolutely love piddling in my garden whenever I walk to or from my front door. I can't wait until I again have fresh tomatoes and basil for my sourdough bread or flowers in my beds for herbal tea.

But my friend, do not be in a rush for spring. We are all longing to be out of the darkness, but remember, winter and darkness are not a punishment. They are a time for rest and recovery and safe-dreaming. Spring will come. We couldn't stop it if we tried. It will be a time for work. The time for nothing but rest will be over.

Keep resting for a little while. Go ahead and order your fruit trees on those spontaneously nice days, but when the sun disappears again, let it go and be grateful for cozy, fuzzy blankets, warm tea, and time to heal and dream with a metaphorical snooze button, even if just for a little while longer.